For my eyes only

I needed a space that I could manipulate without feeling I was under someoneseyes. Even now, this puny space on the intraweb is probably being viewed by some censory program, though not a human (god forbid I think I'm that important.) My time these last few days seems to lack importance of function. I am obsolete. I need to update my systems before I fall totally behind. I keep trying, such as with cllimbing and working out, but that just isn't enough. Why is the question always "what am I looking for?"? Maybe I know I'm looking for a reason for life and my reason for life is the search for an actual higher meaning. God is never going to be enough, for too long we have listened to the words of others passed down from generation to generation. Is this what rambling sounds like.